Juxtapose
by DefinitelyNotFeitan
Summary: A one-shot. Requested as emotional and platonic support between Gon and Kurapika.


Personal prompt from an anonymous tumblr user as apart of a 300 follower celebration. This actually took me a while to do because I wanted to make sure I worded everything to the best of my ability, but overall it was really fun and interesting to write! Sorry for all the angst recently though... _

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"Hey Gon, you coming to get some dinner?"

Gon shifted a bit under his blanket as he muttered something, his feet retreating under the cloth as he curled up into a circle. Kurapika sighed silently as he entered the boy's tent, all too aware of the situation. He had invited the young, _Nenless_ Hunter on a trip under the guise of a mission, mostly to get him away from all the schoolwork Mito had assigned him. A relatively harmless one, for obvious reasons, but important nonetheless, and one that required trekking through quite a bit forest area and clambering up mountain passes, something he knew Gon excelled in.

He had been enjoying himself until that morning when they had come across some foxbear cubs without their mother. Gon had instantly paled at the sight of them, and Kurapika quickly picked up on the danger they could bring and evacuated the team, but the young Hunter seemed to be transfixed in a trance, simply staring at the small cubs, who stared innocently back. The blonde had eventually resorted to dragging him away from the scene after he stopped responding to verbal jabs; Gon had been in a daze ever since.

While Kurapika would usually try to let him sort out his own problems, it had ultimately affected group morale, as the usually jubilant child was now quite… mellow and void.

"Gon, we need to talk."

He saw him stiffen under the blankets, but the boy remained quiet.

"I'm not sure what's throwing you off your game, but I need you to come back now. It's been over twelve hours since we ran into those cubs and it's obvious tha-"

"Kurapika?" His name was spoken so softly that it almost escaped his notice as he had to do a double take to make sure he had actually heard it. Tentatively, not wanting to upset the boy, he sat down at the end of his cot, placing a hand on the child's back. Oh right. A child.

"Before I lost my _Nen_ , I ended up killing one of my friends." Kurapika's eyes widened as he looked at the still covered figure. When had this happened? "I didn't personally kill him but," the boy paused, as he hiccuped. He took in a shuddery breath before continuing. "I know that it was my fault. Even after they reincarnated and said I wasn't at fault and that they just weren't strong enough I just… what if I do that again? What if I become a burden to you now that I'm _Nenless_ and you end up dying for me when danger arises? I'm afraid I'll go into another rampage and blindly kill whoever's at fault like last time and… I don't want to do that."

Gon sat up, the blanket slipping off of him as he turned toward Kurapika, eyes red and nose running. "How do you stay so strong even after having killed someone? How do you know you won't lose control? Is there… is there maybe just something wrong with me?" Kurapika wouldn't let his mask falter but his heart broke on the inside. He went to speak but found he just didn't know how to respond. Gon's crying started anew as he hugged his knees, his depression deepening at his self revelation.

Kurapika closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. A child should really not have to go through this. He inched forward and grabbed the blanket that lay around Gon and pulled it over the boy's shoulders, wrapping his arms around the bundle. He really couldn't think of what to say. Sure he could act tough and just give him an off-hand, non-heartfelt answer, but Gon could tell the difference between the two. It would almost confirm the fact he was a burden. He looked down at the boy, his shaking form seeming to find no comfort in the closeness of another. He never did find himself the skill of cheering up others, but maybe it was worth a try?

"Gon," he started slowly, closing his eyes in an effort to concentrate. "When I started out on my path of revenge against the Phantom Troupe, I never stopped to think what the repercussions of murder would be. When I finally was one on one with the strongest of the troupe, Uvogin, I thought that it really wouldn't be too hard. I was set in not letting him leave alive just as much as he was for me, but when the Judgement Chain did pierce his heart and he died, defending the secrets of his comrades I…" he faltered, sighing out what breath he did have left. He wasn't ready to admit this out loud, but it was about time that he did. "I realized they were human, they all were. There was no other explanation why he would give up his life to keep the others safe." He breathed in carefully, realizing that Gon's gaze was on him. "The guilt that overtook me… was like no other I had ever felt.

"I put it off at the time, cause I knew that it would only distract me from my end goal, to obtain and kill the leader of the troupe, but then, then I met him and… he wasn't scared. At all. In fact, Melody said he was so used to living with death that he was completely calm, if not a little amused at the situation he had gotten himself into." Kurapika added with an irritated huff. "He had complete confidence in the fact that the troupe would live on without his presence, and that too scared me, though at the time I was more angry. All my time and effort almost seemed wasted. I tried to pick a fight with him, but he never blamed me for Uvogin's death like I wanted him to, and I realize now he wouldn't give me that satisfaction." He laughed, "I realize now it was probably some sort of test of will… and the Pakunoda woman, I gave her the chance to live too. I did not want another death at my expense, even if it was the Phantom Troupe. That's why, when you asked me to not pursue them anymore, I was almost relieved. I still have an unbearable hatred for what they did to me and my family, and for what they put you guys through, but I know that I won't ever lose control over my emotions again." Kurapika opened his eyes and looked down at Gon, who was totally enraptured in what he was saying.

"We both know what it's like to lose control of a situation, one we thought we were safe in, and then in the process, almost lose our humanity." He touched foreheads with the boy, almost as if to transfer his reassurance to him through tactile means. "The reason I know I won't lose control again, is because I know what it's like to have lost it, and I've become all too aware of that boundary to even think about getting close to it again. If you don't trust in yourself, trust in me that I know you won't end up like that again, okay?" He gave Gon a small smile, and he returned it, though a little half-heartedly. His smile faltered a bit as he scrunched his eyebrows together, and Kurapika leaned back, tilting his head in question.

"Kurapika, would it be okay if I talked to you again if I start having doubts?" A bit of color rose to his cheeks as he looked away bashfully, "I haven't actually expressed this to anyone else, especially since Killua wouldn't understand, and I feel like I've put him through enough as it is." The blonde had to suppress a smile as he nodded his head solemnly.

"Of course you can. It doesn't have to be about this either, you can come to me about anything. I'm your friend after all"

Gon studied his face for a bit as if to make sure that he was telling the truth. He bobbed his head in confirmation, and then moved to snuggle back into Kurapika's arms. The blonde froze, unsure of what to do past that point, but he forced himself to release his tension and allow Gon to hug him properly.

"Hey, Kurapika?"

"Yes?"

"Can you stay with me till I fall asleep?"

"What about dinner?" He inquired, his own stomach cramping a bit at the thought of a meal.

"I'll eat when I wake up."

The blonde wanted to get food into the young hunter and into himself, but knew better than to push someone who was tired. "Okay, I'll stay then," he consented, moving to reciprocate Gon's hug.

Eventually, he found himself rocking a bit, humming a tune he vaguely recognized as one his mother used to sing to him. After a bit, he felt Gon relax into his hold and lean up against him. While he was a bit surprised, he made sure to continue the motion and melody until he felt the boy fall completely limp, his breathing even.

Kurapika smiled down softly, gently easing the boy into a more natural sleeping position on his cot as he removed himself. Covering him with an extra blanket, he left the tent, feeling as if a great burden had been lifted itself from his shoulders. The blonde turned back to the tent, gazing in Gon's direction for a bit before nodding to himself in self confirmation; yeah, everything was going to be just fine.


End file.
